Quote |
Who said |
Year |
Circumstance |
| The game is names of Countries in the EU Estopona |
Chairman Maurice |
2024 | obviously scraping the barrel! |
| Nice meeting you Ian. Can I be your friend please? "Yes" ... big hug .... "And I love you!" |
Rosie Ian |
2024 | Rosie wearing the Hi-Viz jacket seeking affirmation |
| "I've been winked at by a bird - it's the first wink I've had in years" | Rigsby | 2024 | Peacocking his way down the Lagos promenade |
| I've certainly shat on a golf course but I've never shat myself on one | Cofb | 2023 | Commenting on Riggers' unfortunate malfunction this year |
| Why are you not wearing a COFB T-shirt on departure Duncan? Well I've only got two of them - !*/?!? |
Cofb to Duncan Duncan in reply |
2023 | In the taxi to the airport |
| He's gone from Sevvy to Stevie! | Gummy | 2021 | Commenting on Jerome's demise to the doughnut group along with RTLM and Rigsby |
| "Chairman Hodges with his KPH Golf Tours needs to get his IT skills sharpened to write an adding up programme. 3 additional errors in 11 scores. Ayatollah. Kim Yong and the original Hodges himself would be horrified" | Tyrone | 2020 | On Whatsapp after Friday round |
| Never in my 30 years as starter have I seen anything like that | Starter at Trevose | 2020 | As Steve hits his shot off the 1st tee at 45 degrees to hit a car on the road some 100 yards away |
| "I think I need new clubs" | Rigsby | 2020 | After scoring 8 points off 44 at Newquay Golf club |
| It's a shame - he's gone from the Torpedo to the Tour Paedo | Gummy | 2020 | Cofb exiting the sea in his Budgie Smugglers |
| Final vote for chair- it's 3-2 to Hodges and amazingly it's Steve Rigby to make a draw No it's wrong - you are misreading it NO IT'S NOT - THINK AGAIN!!! Unless I'm mistaken, I think I'm right - it clearly says Tyrone |
Cofb to Dog Dog in reply Cofb to Dog again Dog, just before the penny drops |
2020 | Beach Cafe - Chairman vote-in |
|
The game is Reverse Buzz, starting on my left on 48
Buzz Utter silence ..... |
Redwood
Rigsby Redwood |
2019 | Another Mensa Moment - Apres golf meet |
| How many did points did you get there Nige? Well, you just watched me blob my way all down the fairway Andy, so none ... "Ian hasn't got a very good memory has he? No he hasn't, but his name is Andy, not Ian |
Andy to Nige Nige to Andy Russ to Nige in their buggy after Nige to Russ |
2019 | Final round |
| Where did you get your clubs from Steve? The complete and utter fucking golfer! |
Gummy Steve |
2018 | Penina Golf Course |
| "I thought on the 16th tee that Rigsby had taken over my body now Tim Greenwood has taken over my brain" | Nigel | 2018 | Playing miserably at Bod's Jew-Shoe (or was it Shoe-Jew) game? |
| "If O'Shea was on his deathbed, he'd still be causing trouble!" | Abbott | 2018 | Commenting on Jerome's deposit in his head cover |
| "Who's that really strange looking fellow with the big teeth in the photo with Bod?" | Carlos | 2017 | Post tour - checking out Rob's whatsapp photo of Andy waring Bod's top set |
| "PWC stands for Prick with Camera" | Tyrone | 2017 | Watching Wierdo pissing about with apertures and focal lengths betweeen shots |
| "NM - you must be playing quite well. You're only one down" | Rigsby | 2017 | Rigsby, after starting 3,3,3,3,3 points on 6th tee, 1st day - Penina |
| "Bod, get back up this end of the table ...
You have deserted the desserters" |
Nige | 2017 | Nige to Bod, after Bod thinking he had escaped the Desserts mess - Restaurant in Alvor |
| WHO? | Nearly everyone | 2015 | Benidorm |
|
Do you have soup
Yes sir. fish or vegetable? Lovely, I'll have that Sir - fish or vegetable? I said yes! but ... fish or veg. You have to choose one changed my mind. I'll have garlic prawns |
Bod
Waiter Bod Waiter Bod Waiter Bod |
2015 | Apres golf meet |
| Our friend from Canada shall now be known as Wierdo. Even the Americans think they're fucking Wierd! | Bod | 2015 | Benidorm Restaurant |
| Name of the Game is famous NORTH AMERICAN sports teams Bay City Rollers! |
Wierdo COFB |
2015 | Restaurant in Benidorm Old Town |
| 'I m winning, don cha know!' | Jon | 2014 | To anyone he sees after 2 rounds |
| " How much is 90 pounds in English?" | Bod | 2014 | An open question to the COFB Lads on day 3 |
| 'Bod, you truly are "Tree Revino"!' | His fourball compatriots | 2013 | After seeing Bod hit a ball which ricoched off a tree straight into a deep ravine |
| "Tim? (aka Jerome) - start us all a game of reverse buzz on one less than 50!" "OK Bod, on my left ... forty-nine!" |
BOD Jerome |
2013 | La Finca Restaurant |
| 'Bod sometimes I just need to be on my own' | Tyrone | 2012 | After scoring one point after 3 holes at Kinsale Tyrone sits on bench by the 4th Tee, head in hands. Maurice sits next to him and puts his arm round him to console |
| "I don t want to be killed on a COFB tour last seen falling over a cliff at the Old Head so fuck off!" | Andy | 2012 | ... arguing and insisting to take more than 2 club lengths from a treacherous cliff drop water hazard |
| 'He only really laughs when he is taking the piss out of someone. C-nt of a man!' | COFB | 2012 | Listening from a distance to Lozowski's dirty laugh |
| "I should ve have known Jeromeo was lying even with Hand on Heart" | Bod | 2012 | At Cork Airport, having been sent the wrong way |
| Jerome, I'm ticking off in order, all the things I must do before I get too old, going to places I've never been before Where is the fairway on that list, Steve |
Steve Jerome |
2012 | Sitting together, on the coach to Old Head |
| "Now I know I can play golf under pressure" | Dog | 2012 | sitting down in the bar having escaped the Doughnut by one point following 53 bad holes and one good one. |
| Rob, what is Mike s standard as a golfer? Well, he is not as good as Rigsby... "Has Mike been in some sort of car crash?" |
Jerome Rob Jerome |
2011 | 1st day, at the handicapping meeting at Came Down |
| "That hair really suited the Hippo, you know" | Various COFB members | 2011 | Commenting on Tyrone's seaweed combover, reminiscent of Woodstock '69 |
| "Well, that's another 8 for 1 then" | Rigsby | 2011 | happy with himself at Purbeck, making triple bogey |
| "you f****** useless Polish Twat!" | Rob | 2011 | Admonishing himself after playing a duff chip he just knew, was coming up next |
| Lets have a little Whisky before we start I don't drink Whisky - I don't like it! |
COFB member Carl |
2011 | At Came Down, before tee off |
| "You wouldn't know the difference between a good white wine and your own piss" | Hodges to Rob | 2010 | as he takes a gulp of his slightly warm pinot grigio! |
| "Oh, you little rascal" | Jon Tyas | 2010 | on the 10th in the final round after missing a putt & trying to keep his cool |
| "youcan stick your shotup your arse!" | Tyrone | 2010 | foolishly contesting his one shot back award, which might just have saved him from being doughnut & the chicken suit! |
| "unbelievable ... this makes Tim Greenwood look like a candidate for Universtiy Challenge!" | Hodges | 2009 | commenting on Russell & Drew's Fizz Buzz performance at West Hove Golf Club |
| 'Never has so much rested on one so fucking useless' - or something like that! | Winston Churchill (aka Jerome) | 2009 | Before the tour - upon the announcement of Hanlon's "3 for 2" offer on Rigsby in the Tote |
| How many points did you get, Jerome - I got 30? 31, ...... Its that sort of weekend, Son! |
Tyrone Jerome |
2009 | Tyrone, settling his last losing bet of the weekend |
| Excuse me gents,Do you know the way to "My Hotel"? Fuck off you gay wankers! |
Russ and Tyrone bystanders |
2009 | Asking directions from some bystanders |
| "LEAVE IT ALONE!" | COFB | 2009 | COFB, griefed up after a 3 putt, telling Tyrone not to help him by picking up his Putter cover at West Hove GC |
| I can't believe how f==cking stupid you all are ; you'd have thought after 15 years we could get past 35 in fizz buzz | Angry Ian | 2006 | During the coach trip returning to Edinburgh from Craigielaw |
| SILENT buzz, starting on my right ..one TWO! |
COFB Russell |
2006 | Craigielaw meet |
| A wall's a wall! | All | 2006 | Over any dispute regarding a wall infringement |
| Its like the lunatics taking over the asylum --- now the terrorists are searching us!!! | COFB | 2006 | At heathrow .. going through security check |
| How far is it to the green from where you're standing? Well I'm level with the 150 yard marker! Is that from the front of you - or from the back of you? |
Rob Tyrone Rob |
2005 | COFB Vs Old Gayts match |
| Why do they call Mick AVORY the Cage? | Nick Mathew | 2005 | On the coach. For one so normally observant this was poor! |
| This is what I hate - having to wait on the tee to play your next horrible shot! | COFB | 2005 | 18th tee at El Prat, waiting for previous 4-ball to clear after a bad back nine |
| Nice feet , now all you need are the teeth | Passer by | 2004 | Lady queuing behind Paul in Malaga airport Paul was wearing the doughnut s monster feet |
| Yum, Yum - Lamb is my favourite meat | Bod | 2004 | Just before his whole shoulder of lamb was siezed and eaten by the 14 people on adjacent table He just got a few bare bones back two minutes later. |
| Oh look it says for London-Luton, go to gate 14C | Tim | 2004 | Reading the temperatures of destinations on a notice board at Malaga Airport |
| Oi ! what are you doing with my sandals | Northerner | 2004 | Some Northern git reacting to Tim, mistakenly throwing his sandals into the pool thinking they belonged to Kev. |
| I feel more nervous now than I did when I played in the british open | Jerome | 2004 | Trying (& subsequently failing) to play a short chip over a bunker on 13th at Santa Maria, whilst playing in Davy s doughnuts |
| In the space of 5 mins I ve gone from being Jacques Cousteau to Chris Bonnington | Jimmy Co-op | 2003 | In trouble at two consecutive and very different holes at Tralee GC |
| I m a parkland specialist, I ll tame Killarney tomorrow with my big furniture and wand | Jimmy Co-op | 2003 | the night before he scored 22 points on the Killeen course at Killarney |
| The game is well known sayings with the word "and" e.g. fish and chips: Kebab and chips! The two Ronnies! |
COFB Tim Bod |
2003 | Apres-golf at Killarney G&FC |
| Most people graduate from Social to Playing, I go the other way! | Shaun | 2002 | Contemplating his golf performance |
| Who threw that?? | Bod | 2002 | Bod in Bumbles nightclub |
| "How was your 4ball Nick?" Shit, shit, shit and f****** shit! |
Rob Nick Mathew |
2002 | brockenhurst |
| David - a point of order that I couldn't let pass. We're from Manchester. That makes us acutely anti scouser rather than scousers. Its a bit like accusing a Texan of being a Taliban. |
Shaun | 2002 | admonishing COFB by email |
| I've definitely got 36 points in me today! | Jamie | 2001 | At Galway GC, prior to scoring 20 points and losing 300 |
| The name of the game is reverse buzz starting on 50 .. on my left one! |
Tim | 2000 | Galway GC |
| The name of the game is buzz.. to my left 14 | Tim | 2000 | Galway GC |
| Come on then Virgil - give it your best shot! | Connelly to Virgil from Pinner Hill | 1999 | outside Curry House, Pinner |
| Some white wine, gentlemen? | Sweaty knees | 1997 | Evening meal |
| Prince Obscene has entered the dance floor! | Holian | 1997 | After Duffy's flip (sorry - flop) over the ropes onto the parquet |
| Ooh look - there's a microlite SX144 up there? So now we talk in the middle of f****** backswings do we? Crikey.. you lot take this game far too seriously! |
Duffy Holian Duffy |
1996 | Hodges, trying to concentrate during the shoot out for Doughnut, Formby |
| Why the long face? | Jerome | 1996 | To Paul Minihan in Scarisbrick |
| I never done that before | Jed | 1995 | Puking after pint of vinegar in the White Horse |
| The sea is lovely but you have to get out beyond the waves first! | Jerome | 1995 | To innocent unsuspecting tourist at Burton & Bradstock |
| Bon Bon Chair? | Abbott | 1995 | Ian, childishly offering COFB a loo cleaning ball instead of a sweet as they were preparing to leave the car park in Came Down |
| "Pike & tin of Tuna" | All | 1994 | Names of : Came Down |
| "Cod, Marlin & the whalers" | All | 1994 | Names of :Came Down |
| Mind the gap! | All, to indian gent | 1994 | Bowls match |
| 8 "COFB" Kebabs please! | COFB to indian gent | 1994 | Kebab shop, Dorchester |
| You started it - you burnt our churches in the 16th century! | Rob | 1994 | After alleged foul play in the saturday morning challenge match |
| What ball are you playing? Maxfli Balata.. Maxfli Balata.. Maxfli Balata |
Jerome lads |
1994 | Lads on 1st tee at Lyme Regis using O'Shea's golf balls |
| I ll have ya, you big lump | Jerome to jed | 1993 | In the White Horse, Littlebredy |
| Grandad - as reigning champ, please play the Inaugural drive
and now ... the inaugural provisional! |
Rob some wag! |
1992 | Ferndown |
| Groucho s lost a life! | A Village local | 1992 | Darts match - White Horse, Littlebredy |
| Who s COFB? | A Village local | 1992 | Darts match - White Horse, Littlebredy |
| Its not my round! | Anyone from Gayton | 1957- | When everyone's glasses are empty |